Thursday, June 30, 2005

Get into the groove

I saw the strangest women tonight in the swimming pool. Her swimsuit was so tight in her camel-toe that it looked like a pram wheel was shoved between her legs. She looked like she was capable of running on a rail track. PLUS she hadnt shaved anywhere in years and it looked like ZZ TOP was making a guest appearance in the steam room. All Guildford women are strange and let themselves go. I did not know where to look.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

look at my globe!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

iTunes - the day podcasting died

This computer is not authorized to play this copy of "iTunes New Music Tuesday June 28, 2005".

  • I still havent figured out how to play a podcast without that authorization message.
  • i cant register my podcast becuase it asks for credit card details (i dont have a credit card becuase i always get refused).
  • Everything is american.
  • i havent even heard of any of the podcasts listed except adam and dawn and drew.
  • so if someone wants to listen to my show using itunes they will have to give their credit card details in.
  • i dont understand the navigation
  • Wheres madge? i type her in and nothing appears
  • why does everything seem like it is a load of american commercial radio stations who just podcast their existing shows?
  • The 'top 100 podcasts' lists only one show called 'Quirks and Quarks from CBC Radio'. it has a show about crickets having sex which i cant hear becuase i am not authorised. anyhow, if i wanted to listen to crickets having sex i would go outside.
  • All the shows are not named properly, they all have KCRW,WAQXFM,CBC,NECC, ESPN, ABC, WGBH and things infront of them. I do not know what these mean.

Summery :

what an unpleasant experience for new users to podcasting. I'm giving up podcasting and just blog from now on if this gets any worse. I'm never going to be able to afford the money to even get authorised, let alone get glossy photos and graphics. Millions of poeple are now going to get podcasting through this and all the proper shows wont even be on there. instead they'll be listening to ISBN crickets making love in america.

Monday, June 27, 2005

DVDs - why they will never replace VHS

I'm fed up with DVDs. They are so stupid. My friend leant me his games console while he went on holiday which i dont understand. To watch a film you have to press all these buttons and navigate around all these shapes and move boxes accross and it is so slow. Just to watch a film. and you cant skip the logos and age warnings. and you cant fast forward properly. and no two dvds are ever the same. with a vhs you put the tape in and there it is - a picture just where you left it. no waiting around for things to wizz around the screen. just good old fashioned entertainment. he can keep his stupid console thing, i dont understand it. i'm off to watch Baby Boom without loads of camera angle choices on good old VHS. if Stephen Speilburg cant be bothered to make any decisions when he edits his film together then why should I help him out? lazy git. if I pay for a film I expect it to be edited together. what next, are they going to come in blank cases so i can draw my own cover? it not interaction, its pure bone idolness. i'm paying the man enough with all his computers and dinosaurs. its a conspiracy. and they wonder why people dont pay to watch movies any more. plus you cant record on a dvd like you can on a tape.

Can anyone suggest which one plays the film?

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Church bbq

Forgot to mention i went to a church BBQ at the weekend. i was invited by a pair of nice girls who were knocking on everyones doors handing out bible leaflets and asking if i would like to go to church. they also asked me if i would like to come over to a bbq which was like answer for help as i have been feeling so lonely recently. they said there would be sausages, burgers and salads, they even said jesus would be there.

in between the rain showers it was very nice and i got talking to a few poeple there. it was held by a nice man called todd who has a nice familiy and house. there were lots of children running around making noise and handling food then putting it back which upset me. i never met jesus though, although there were a few men with sandels and long hair. i think some of the sausages were off because i got very bad tummy ache. i felt quite embarressed because i left a massive floater in their downstairs toilet that wouldnt go down no matter how hard i pushed. i hate it when that happens, and i left the towel in their very dirty. after that i made my excuses and left because i didnt want people thinking it was me that cuased the flood.

they have invited me to more events. a man there called paul was interested in my blogging, but said that the church isnt keen on people who use the internet. it would be nice to go there (although the 2 girls who came to my door didnt go to the bbq) as everyone there was really genuinely nice, but would i have to give up using my computer? i'd be really really upset if i did because i'd miss all the prettygirls and would have to go back to doing things manually.

i'm going to bed soon although there is a nice film about mutilation on that i might record and watch tommorow.

Big Brother - one word...

A few more words....
What a beutiful woman they have blessed channel 4 with. what a lovely women. since lesley left i was very upset for a couple of reasons. but now they have allowed this new lady into the house and i am happy again.
i'm getting very confused about large girls. since the last tv blew up and we got convinced to buy a new one which is wide screen i cant work out the settings. all the tv that i watch at the moment makes all the glamourous celebraties stretched, wide and fat. i think over the last few months this has had a subtle effect on my brian and now when i see girls who are fat and overwieght i think they are kinda hot. i am really confused.

Slam Idol

i'm very excited to be part of the slamidol poetry competition, its voting time and my poem about my pet the dutchess is up for nomination. i feel very honoured to be in a competition, especially when you hear the quality of the other contestents that are so good. if you want to take part in the voting just listen to the latest show which is at

It has all the instructions of how to vote from Simon who is great.. if in doubt just go to and it has all the details. personally i like the 'The Spoken Word' and 'Louder Than Oppression' the most.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Technology hurts

we stand back in awe
wonderment at these internet computers
with their flashy graphics, mice, VDU's
and free access to vast libaries of dutch hardcore pornography

yet we never really think
of what it does to the people
the effects and the suffering
my mind, my eyes, my wrist, my soul

going about my daily business
you rape my sleeping mouth with your eyes
and never knowing your violations
i go about my daily business

but it is not the physical pain
that hurts me so
but the mental heartache
that this technology brings

for i am a lonely man
with few friends to be with
when they do not want to talk
i will understand that they need their privacy

but as i sit awaiting Skype to ring
i realise i have 124,163,784 friends
not one of them wants to talk to me
and this knowledge makes my loin ache with sadness

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Man falls out of his own arse

now i'm sure that everyone has troubles at the gym trying not to piss and crap during a rigourous workout - i've lost count of the number of times i have needed to rush to the changing rooms after going on the rowing machine too soon after eating. i dont recommend wearing either white or grey tight shorts as these show everything, best stick to baggy black but too baggy that it falls out one side.

but this is an amazing photo of the man who strained so hard during a weightlifting contest that he fell out of his own arse. literarally. i sometimes have nightmares that i cant stop pissing and i just strink like a deflated ballon or a old womans saggy tit until i see myself in the toilet as urine. you ought to look at this at home as its not very nice.


I like the description on the page of what actually happened, it sounds very funny and makes me glad i wasnt there but safe at home. some of the quotes on the news article sound very simalar to Star Jones husbands account of their wedding night:

"He remembers a loud popping, splattering noise then a fierce stabbing pain and then not being able to move from the squat position."

"The third spotter who was standing behind the lifter was unfortunately sprayed with fecal matter at the time of the incident."

"required rectal stitching to partially occlude the anal orifice and stitch the rectal passage"

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Adam Curry magazine on sale

Monday, June 20, 2005

Podcast - Scroungers

I'm hot and bothered about scrounging families today and thought i would talk about it using podcasting and the internet.


i feel like my skin has fallen off

What can i say? other than i am all clammy and hot, hope we get a thunderstorm tonight. i heard a funny man called dave winer who does podcasts about coffee, although he always talks about other things instead and argues with lots of people. he recently did one sitting on a beach in a car in a lightning storm. now i've seen the film back to the future loads of times and i think that man is dicing with death. his car hasnt got any special time travel circuits either to protect him by sending him back to the seventies, just satallite navigation. i heard a podcast the other day where he was argueing with the satallite navigation because he said he knew better. why does he argue with everything? i would love to talk to him on skype for an interview but he wont even accept my yahoo 360 invite. if anyone knows dave please can you pass on my email ( and ask him to contact me to arrange an interview becuase he sounds very interesting and i am sure he doesnt get to talk about things as much as he would like to. i especially like it when he sings.

Dave Winer

oh, does anyone know what a Liger is? I've been asked to draw a picture of one but dont know what it is. And does anyone know anything about France voting as i've been asked to podcast about it? Thats about it, i think my podcast has been uploaded to server. I need to mention which has lots of proper english discjockeys on there. Oh, I've been invited to a Barbeque at the end of the week by a local church group who came knocking at the front door so i might go soon. A couple of fiesty chickadees dressed very smartly asked if I would like to come along for a pleasant evening so i think i will.

Weekend BBQ

Friday, June 17, 2005

Is this a record?

Four times in one evening.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Can anyone think of a good name for me?

I think what i need is a DJ name for me on my podcasts. i've noticed on the bbc radio 1xtra website that all the successfull presenters have 'street-credit' names (go to for everyone) like 'Richie Vibe Vee', 'DJ Fitz' or 'Ace&Invisible'. I'm sure they werent christened with those names, unless Mr and Mrs Vee had too much to drink before a christening a few years ago. A lot of the names are the kind of names i see as graffiti in public toilets so i may well go for a crap down at the local bus station and look for some inspiration on the bog door in the process. although if memory serves correct the names i saw mentioned were 'Sarah The Slut from Stoughton', 'Skinhead Power', or 'Sukme 4 Free'.

Madge Weinstein today was saying about a Dave Colderbank from Canada wanted her to give him a new name, i think i need to do the same. so madge if you still read this then i'd appreshiate a new name! rather than use my real name in the future i could be known as just roger from the daily smalls code. that way nasty people from her show wouldnt come onto this site and post abusive comments. i'm worried that i don't sound 'down with it sista innit' enough, young people from the UK certainly are very cool and trendy and i would like to identify with them more by text messaging and wearing baddy clothes. this would help me find a girlfriend / sex. Sarah from Stoughtons phone number was disconnected months ago.

Lying twats. I can definalty see the one on the right.

She'd live up to her name if she had any.

R.Smalls and Nesha - 3-5pm Mondays to Fridays. What do you think?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Wordsearch results

Remember last weeks Madge Weinstein Wordsearch?

Here are the answers:

Aunt Mary, Axewound, Bacon Sandwich, Bagpuss, Bearded Clam, Beaver, Beef Curtains, Bermuda Triangle, Bikini Beard, Billy Connollys Beard, Black Triangle, Box, Budgies Tongue, Bush, Chuff, Clit, Couchie, Crusty fish crevis, Cum Box, Cunt, Fadge, Fanny, Fishy Passage, Front Bottom, Front Bum, Furry Cup, Gash, Hairy Minge, Hairy Pie, Hanging Bacon, Hole, Hot Fadge, Juice Squirter, Labia, Ladylips, Minge, Monkeys Forehead, Mons, Muff, Peanut, Pissflaps, Plash, Poonani, Quim, Shagpipe, Slit, Snatch, Squirt Hole, Tuna Pump, Twat, Vulva, Wet Lettuce, Wizards Sleeve, Yeast Funnel.

I cant remember where they are all hidden though, i am very confused and angry tonight.

does anyone know what defines an arsonist legally? as i understand it if a hedge overhangs onto someone elses property i could technically do whatever i wanted to the hedge. i'm not sure.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


If I was the King

And you were the Queen

I would steel your heart like a pirate

And trim your bush

Monday, June 13, 2005

Pepper in Bush

Loving You
I look in your direction and you look in mine,your eyes glow with a soulful touch,and I cast my eyes downward so you can't see into my heart, for fear of you stealing it,and never giving it backbut deep inside I want to share the way I feel with you and pray you'll love me too.

Lindsier Stolz - Poet, Artist and fellow Barry Pepper Fan at the Barry Pepper Unofficial Site

I thought I would share that with you as it is so good to see other fan artwork from other members of the fanbase community. Sorry for not updating my blog, I've been very busy over the weekend. Went to see the Dutchess at the weekend in her new home, she's very happy. Please no more nasty comments on my blog as it hurts me so much. I would also like to add that I would prefer no nasty comments about the lovely Lesley Sanderson, remember she is built for comfort and not for speed. Shes a wonderful girl and I was sad to see her go, I sense that Channel 4 will be begging to lug those back into the Big Brother house very soon.

Wow! I've been chosen to be in the Slam Idol poetry competition by Simon, who is nice and speaks very well. If you subscribe to the Slamidol Podcast I am contestant number 4. I think contestant number 1 called "The Spoken Word" is nice. I wish i could write poems properly, most poems are about love and urban decay, 2 things that I know nothing about. to be in love. for all the married people i must say you don't know how lucky you all are. i wish i had someone to talk at me every day and to have sex at every week. it upsets me to see couples relationships progress quickly on tv and know that i'll never be one of those people. god i miss lesley so much tonight.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Come on people

What is wrong with the world? I have just been given a most tremendous shock. I do not understand how voting works and the way peoples minds works. In a democratic country where people have faught wars to be allowed to have free speech and be given the right to vote we end up in such a mess. why are people so apathetic? what kind of a world do we live in where poeople are given the right to vote, yet stay sat on the sofa on their fat behinds glued to the tv. they cant be bothered to get up and let their opionions be known to the powers that be. no. the uk people have to stay seated. then complain when changes occur. now we all must suffer. how could you public? how dare you? i now have to suffer the remaining term with these people swanning around like they own the place. it was in the hands of the british voters. you made your bed, now you must lie in it. Lesley has been voted out of the Big Brother house. The one girl who kept me awake until 4am this morning watching e4 whilst I saw her sleep and gently stroke the screen, now is no more. Goodbye my sleeping angle.

Where should I poke the finger of blame?
The blame lies solely with Vanessa. simple as that. she should never have said those nasty things and put lesley in jepardy. now it is too late and i am angry. but i did what madge weinstein said in a recent show, and that was phone up someone in power and complain. madge said that the only way to get your voice heard is to actually get up and speak up, so i phoned up channel 4 to complain and my friend copied the show onto a computer video file for me - . well done to madge for that idea, its good to know that if you feel passionate about a subject that there are people out there who will listen and take note of your issues, big or small. rule breakers like Vanessa should be severely punished, yet Lesley was voted out.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Podcast - Shopping

I only went out tonight to buy some bread and milk, was in a rush to get back and watch lesley on big brother. she is so lovely. but my local food shop doesnt want to sell food anymore, so i thought i'd get a few things off my chest on this podcast:


Be prepared for a long wait if you see one of these signs outside a British shop

Just to say sorry about my blog post about tasers - i think someone at feedburner must have got confused when i mentioned madges show in the text as they made it into a podcast and everyone had to download a very large file that they probably already download once. i know that madges show isnt to everyones taste, hope you werent too offended if you were expect me to say something. interesting response though on the comments board for that post.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Look mum, I'm on TV!

Posted by Hello

Tuesday, June 07, 2005


If you only listen to one podcast today, make sure it is this one:

Its Madge discussing a nasty incident involving some intolorant police officers bullying a lady with 50,000 volts. If you are not a Madge fan then skip about 10-20 minutes because i think she has technical problems at the beginning, but you must listen to the rest of the show as it is very important. I didnt know this kind of thing does on, but it does in america. I'm still cant believe what i heard and don't know how to react to this, other than sheer horror. What can i do to stop this happening? its not even in my country. There is a video here, i felt really upset watching it: - taser video

my therapist asked me tonight if i could play God for the day what i would do. i didnt need to think about this, i would remove cruelty from everyones heads forever, i cant bare to see anyone or anything suffering.

tell EVERYONE about this podcast and pass on the link to the video.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Doctor Who

i've been really enjoying watcing Doctor Who recently but am upset that the actor who played him is quitting after one series because he doesn;t want to be typecast as Doctor Who in his career. i hate it when actors do that as it ruins the continuety of things and makes my mind tired trying to understand what is going on learning new faces. thats why i've given up watching batman because they;ve never had the same actor in every film, ihear they are even using some unknown actor in next years release of Superman. Christopher Eccleston never quit half way through filming Shallow Grave because he was worried he might only roles as a journalist in the future, or quit 28 Days Later because people kept calling him Major.

So why is he quitting the best job in his career? he's suddendly become Billy Big Potatoes, better than everyone else. if i had the privailage of being the Doctor Who actor then i'd keep the job for as long as I could until i got booted out of the bbc for snorting drugs off a prostitutes face whilst showering in pound coins drinking the finest quality champane and listening to rap music like all the other shamed ex-BBC presenters do before they got caught. Will the next Doctor Who actor last the series before he gets career jitters? Can;t he wear an Eccleston mask so he looks like the other lanky scottish idiot?

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Smoking in pubs

I've just got back from a nice evening out. Well, its not quite that nice becuase i was sitting with one of my friends having a well deserved pint and a couple of girls sat next to us smoking and blowing it in my face. i have to say even if she was laying naked in bed winking at me, if she smoked i wouldnt take plunge as i find it most unattractive in a young lady of the opposite sex. I'm not sure what the situation is with the progress of banning smoking in pubs in britian, I really do wish they would hurry up though because i've only just washed my jeans for this month and they now smell like an old bonfire.

My rotton lung after this evening

Sorry to any smokers who are reading this blog, i'm sure you are considerate. plus you keep me in a job because i've started dealing with test results for cancer suffers at work and the goverment is devoted to spending billions of pounds for treating your problems, we've recently had to emply 5 new technicians who are on over £30k each to deal with the extra smoking cessation drive. i hope the govement continues to keep spending this becuase if i get cancer due to other people blowing cigerretes in my face i'll be able to get the best treatment in europe. i know its the best in europe because a third of the home addresses for the test results of our patients are foreign or immegration centers so i think a lot of people are coming over here, one of the benefits of everyone joining the european union - i keep telling everyone its a good thing.

Its the final countdown

i think in Ireland when they banned smoking everyone was fine about it after a week. but in england changing laws for some reason takes ages. that reminds me about an idea i had about politics that might be one of my better ideas, i'll spring it on you all another day when i've thought it through. i tried explaining an idea earlier on to someone and found it hard to say what i was thinking and think i made a complete idiot out of myself, i dont want to repeat that with readers of this blog by people getting the wrong end of the stick. i have to go, maybe take a shower and wash this rubbish out of my stupid long hair, perhaps a short hair cut all over is in order for the warm summer months. plus its less to get smelly and wash.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Yeast Radio Wordsearch

Hi everyone. i've been busy with some scissors and selotape creating a wordsearch for madge weinstein fans. either go to Yeast Radio to download it or click this link to open the wordsearch and print it out. happy beaver hunting!

can you find all 55 rude words?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Podcast - Poem about the Dutchess

I got a nice request from Simon from the web site called Slam Idol which is at . Simon asked me to read my poem about The Dutchess so he could play it on his podcast and poetry competition. I'm not that good at poems but do enjoy doing them to relax and get things off my mind, certainly i dont think they are up to competative standards when you hear the nice ones on his web site. its all about my pet pig The Dutchess of Pork and the font memories.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Lesley Sanderson

Sorry for not keeping up my blog for a while. I've been very sad recently because of the loss of the Dutchess. I've been to see her in her new home, she seems very happy. i dont want to record when i'm down as i think that is likely to make everyone else in a bad mood. simon from slamidol as asked me to record my poem about the dutchess for his podcast so i'll do that tommorow night. should i record it sad or try to sound optamistic? the loss of a loved one or pet is always hard. at least i still have techno turtle. his poo is much smaller and drier to clean up too. dont need any paper towels like those days with the dutchess, just fingertips.

I've also been lured to Big Brother, I'm really trying hard not to fall for Lesley but she is so lovely. They play her 24 hours a day on E4, I seem to spend my time watching her grace the screen. i should be podcasting i know, but for once there is a nice women who i like who lives in england, about 50 miles away in a big house with cameras in. she even has her own web site at, I keep clicking on Images but nothing comes up - its so slow. Her faceparty profile at had an Adult tab - I paid £38 to see those photos and got nout. she's now taken them down which i dont understand as i've been watching her constantly most of this evening and she hasnt been near a computer.

Lesley in her Nurses Outfit - hot lesley photo here

i've got some comments on another web site about being called 'the daily smalls code' although i dont record daily. its hard to record daily as i have to work all day sifting through stool samples, come home, look after mum, keep the house clean (easier now the dutchess isnt soiling the carpets) and get a couple in whilst watch Lesley float around the pool in a bikini. i really admire people like madge weinstein who manage to record shows all the time - on 2 channels!! its crazy. i wish i could do podcasting and blogging for a living, i know that some people can do it. i'll be thinking about how i can do this all the time and make some money out of it. i dont think amazon affiliates will be paying for mine and mums food any time soon.

UK podcasting at its best -

i read somewhere recently on a britcaster forum that podcasting will be mentioned on bbc radio 5 live. i think the BBC should really be supporting podcasting, sirrious is doing a show with everyones content, why cant the bbc have a channel that plays britcaster content. there is enough there and its the bbc that should encourage british talent like podcast paul and richard vorbes - i'm fed up of hearing radio one and all the louts jeering and whooping every morning. i keep hearing the phrase 'grass roots' - maybe we need the BBC Grass Roots channel on their digital radio? they've got enough spare channels and we are paying for them. thats my thoughts anyway.