i get so upset

why do so many people keep writing to my comments board, say that they like reading my blog, then trying to sell me things? can't people think of anything better to do? nobody decent left on the internet, where is next for me to go? this world is strange.

Dave Winer

Today I am going to blog in the style of Dave Winer of www.scripting.com by linking to insignifcant things without giving an opinion then ending each item with a

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Doc Searls - holds no formal medical qualifications.

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I wonder how many 'halloween special' podcasts there will be in the next few days?

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Squirt your fudge to the sound of a podcast.

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Podcast - War, what is it good for?

Absolutly nothing. Its been getting to me, still seeing all these things about soldiers going abroad for no reason and getting killed. i have recorded my thoughts as it is good to talk.



i also wanted to promote my podcasters in leather 2006 calender too......

podcasters in leather 2006 calender pdf

Podcasters in Leather 2006 calender

I have been busy making a calender to promote the podcasting and leather scene ready for next year - you can download it by clicking one of the links below. it is in a pdf file so you will need adobe acrobat which is a little slow on occassion.



http://homepage.ntlworld.com/rogersmalls/documents/podcasting calander2.pdf

Podcasters feactured include:-

• Dawn and Drew
• Fausto from www.feastoffools.net
• Micheal from reel reviews
• Adam Curry from www.curry.com and Guildford
• Page and Gretchin from www.mommycast.com
• Steve Gilmore
• Madge weinstein from www.yeastradio.com
• Richard vobes from www.vobes.com
• Father Roterick from www.podcastalley.com
• Dave Winer from morning coffee time.

i hope that you will print this out in your office and pin it up then people can ask you what podcasting is and you can explain. this helps to promote podcasting and tight leather clothing i think.

More4

I feel duped. channel 4 has recently started a new tv channel called 'more4' and promised it is 'a new adult entertainment channel'. I;ve been sitting through the last few evenings waiting for something like a nude phone-in show but so far all i've seen are some news,documentaries and sitcoms. i hate it when they do that. its like when the newspapers promise nude photos of jerry haliwell and they are stil the same ones she did 10 years ago but i still end up buyng one.

http://www.channel4.com/more4

bad friday

up all night last night downloading podcasts that kept crashing
woke up to find huge telephone bill on doorstep
missed bus
late for work
poorly
work not going very well
upset madge and dont know why

Professional sounding podcasts

hi everyone.

in a bid to make my podcasts sound more professional i have used the voiceover website called radio daddy to request some voiceovers.

http://www.radiodaddy.com/requests/index.php?showtopic=4343

if anyone can help me out then please sign up or just email me at roger_smalls@hotmail.co.uk with an mp3 file for me to play on my show.

i'm also going to record some voice overs for other people too.

thanks!

Roger

Adam Curry prediction

Hi there everyone. I was searching for Adam Curry porn this evening and this news story cropped up...

http://www.podcastingnews.com
'Adam Curry Predicts Podcast Porn Explosion'

Now this upsets me becasue i predicted that very same thing back in March this year in my blog:-

http://rogersmalls.blogspot.com/2005/03/podcasting-for-porn.html
'podcasting for porn'

Now adam mentioned on one of his shows that he looked at my blog, probably egosurfing, and came across my idea for this fantastic new (sorry 7 month old) way of getting smut flicks onto your hard disc while you sleep. Then he goes onto the Podcasting News website days later and makes a press release about it. Now i know how Cussons felt when Dave Winer claimed he invented soap. I feel plaguerised and I could have made a lot of money by now and been the Hew Heffner of the podcasting grot world.

"Porn is just going to be huge," Curry commented in a recent Daily Source Code podcast.

I could have told him that too. It already is. Looking at how my hard disc space is distributed, it definatly is huge. The person who can make mucky videos the same size as audio files will be a rich man thats for sure. When i email people with ideas instead of ignoring them they should read them, he has had several emails in the past about pornography from me and never replied - not even a thankyou in the strategy cast.

Apple's latest iPods include support for video playback, including video podcasts that can be made and distributed by anyone with an Internet connection.

i dont think the ipod video idea will take off, although i'd prefer to watch salt rain videos than clips of Bono singing on one. the trouble is that who wants to watch pervy videos on a tiny little screen? its hard enough getting excited about the naked girl nokia screensaver without sqwinting and having that stupid toilet attendent start knocking on the asking personal questions again, so how is joe public going to put up with paying £400 for a video ipod then pay £1.99 for a 30 second clip of some prettygirl whipping her duds off from the itunes music store. i bet apple will be cashing in.



adam curry, i'm upset at this blatent ripoff but forgive you. you owe me though if you are reading this. probably not. but there we go.

i drank too much last night

i have woken up and feel like a wild animal shat in my mouth. i remember nothing of last night.

today is my sunday off and i am staying in and cleaning up the attick.

i'm so happy again!

I've just checked podcast alley and i'm now in the top 1000 podcasters!!!!

itunes video

they made fun of bill gates when he made it so you have to click the start button to stop the computer. now apple have made the same mistake because you have to click on the music store to buy videos in itunes. thats like calling a petrol station a butchers. at least call it video store or blockbusters or something. i am so confused. especially as all you can buy are disney animations and no girlie vids. there is a big market for those and apple would be wise to selll some grott on itunes as there is only so much of Bono that people can bear. it would be much more convinent than all this age verification business.

worst nights sleep for ages

woke up at 4am after a nightmare about jack lalanne - thats the third one this month. i am going to use this blog to record details that my psychologist has asked me to write down to discuss as it is more convient than going through my bag trying to find my notebooks. i feel more tired than when i went to bed, curse jack and his juice.

thumb ducks

if one more person at work says "it's getting dark in the evening" i think i'll scream - i'm not exactly pactrick moore but i know it gets dark every evening unless you are an eskimo or canadian.


A typical daytime scene including light in the sky. This is easy to spot because you can see where you are going without the aid of turning on lights.


Nighttime. Note lack of sun and colours.

evening at the psychologist

had a double session at the psychologist tonight because there was so much to talk about. i've been finding it hard to keep to the routine and breathing that he recommended, i've been taking the detours on the way home and finding it hard to keep in the house at nighttimes. bored with my film collection and it is so lonely waiting for skype to ring, i find more comfort walking around outside in the fresh air. i think that it is good for me.

i know that it is not normal, but then again what is these days?looking through the windows of peoples houses i see them sitting in their living rooms glued to the televisions. it is normal to do this - i don't think mans body was intended to 'normally' sit on a sofa all day though - something is going wrong with society in my eyes. i watch many people wandering through the streets of guildford at night, usually with dogs, their girlfriends or cans of cider - i guess its just my way of walking a dog - just in the same way that married men go fishing to avoid their wives. if i was married then i would never go fishing but stay at home and make love at my wife while listening to todd cochrane infront of an open fireplace. or just cuddle and watch holby city if they are on that week.


so lucky

all i want to do is be treated by my colleges as normal, to keep my head down in life and get married by the time i am 25. i guess that this blog is a good way for me to share my concerns, but people sometimes judge me and write hurtful emails to me. i just want to keep my head down and live my life, but i get a lot of encouragement to podcast and speak my mind. next thing i know people are calling me names on websites and podcasts, i guess i shouldnt beleieve encouragement when i see it as they might just be winding me up like at school.my psychologist suggested to either stop blogging and go back to writing in my scrapbooks or to create a new blog and not use my real name - i really like using the internet a lot but you can't draw or attach objects like you can with a scrapbook. its also public, i always thought that a problem shared is a problem halved but these voices just add to my problems. he said its good to get things out of my system by writing but i should be talking to people about them too as it helps. i feel that writing this has helped me.



anyway its almost midnight and i'm getting twitchy and need a beverage. night night.

• Avoid walking or running alone at night. Instead go walking or jogging with a friend.
• Don't use headphones while walking, driving or jogging.
• Always walk in well-lit areas.
• Avoid the use of short cuts.
• After dark, keep away from large bushes or doorways where someone could be lurking.
• Always stay near the curb.
• If someone in a vehicle stops and asks for directions, answer from a distance. Do not approach the vehicle.
• If followed, go immediately to an area with lights and people. If needed, turn around and walk in the opposite direction, your follower will also have to reverse directions.
• Do not display cash openly, especially when leaving an ATM.

Stay safe

Podcast - Birthday

recorded this last night on the way home, just got round to copying it over. what can i say? 24 years sucks.



so does NTL who deleted my podcast from the server. does anyone know any free hosting companys except for the internet archive which takes two days to upload?

birthday washout

nexttime i think i will stay at home with mum and watch a film for my birthday rather than arrange for my collegues to go out with me for the evening. nobody shows up when i arrange things. sat in a pub on my own for 2 hours waiting. started on such a high, tonight is such a low. i recorded my thoughts walking home, i will copy them off my phone tomorow for a podcast. adam never picked up his cabbages either.

Daily Source Code

Wow! Adam Curry played an audio comment that i sent him warning him about making petrol out of vegetables just like in all the dreams and i am very happy. if his car engine resembles my guts today then he'll be pulling into a layby every 5 minutes to dump oil on the road. i hate eating vegetables. i hate them i hate them i hate them. i hate this poxy diet. diarrhea is such a strange disease. i pebbledashed the bog about 12 times this morning and think i have lost all the water out of my body, and not through the usual pipes either. theres still in green haze in the gents in the hospital. from my i don't think that car manufaturers have thought this through fully enough. put it this way, i wouldnt want to be standing behind a cabbage powered car if it backfired. the green cross code doesnt warn you about having steaming hot fudge fired all over your legs when you stop, look and listen.


Adam Curry

anyway adams mention has made my day! i've sent him so many emails, but never heard a thing until today. and its my birthday tomorrow which is like a podcasting birthday present and i will be able to wake up with a big smile on my face. i still have to go to work and buy everyone a bag of cakes. i'm going to buy them iced fingers as they are a lot cheeper as noone even says thankyou. see if anyone is going out tommorow, mum has bob coming round to look after her so i've got the evening free. its a wednesday and guildford is usually fairly busy.

anyway, here are some of my adam curry photos and drawings for any daily source code listeners who have not seen them yet. i like drawing, it relaxes me. i have many more drawings but the scanner at work is bust.

Adam Curry 100% unofficial fan site - http://rogersmalls.tripod.com/AdamCurry/

Adam Curry Drawings and Diagrams - http://rogersmalls.tripod.com/sketches/

disillusioned

i have just got back from the local disco and feel very weird. i went to meet my friend who was with his work mates. stood with them all for about 3 hours, not a single person talked to me. i made the effort to talk to them but just got blanked. am i some hideous freak? i dont understand. either they were rude or i am not interesting enough. i wonder if poeple reading this who were in the same situation would treat me the smae if they didnt read this blog?

i'd love to see the day when you could read someones blog out in a public place, that way you could tell if they are interesting or just some vapid brainless tart with her head shoved up her rancid tattood arse. i feel really worthless around people like that. this is why i dont like going out in public except at night in parks, becuase of the way people make me feel. i did nt even drink tonight which made me not really approcable. does drink make me appealing? should i take drugs like the rastas in the club? so many questions. i'm just so lonely, if i reach 25 and dont have a girlfriend then... god i dont know. am i past the age where i had the chance before the accident? it would be nice to be worth something to someone. even worth just someone to talk to without all the legal issues getting in the way.



i should be happy on this blog, but all i can think about is hurting myself to make this nagging feeling in my head go away. how can a group of poeple be so unsocialable? clicks. clicks in real life. clicks at work. clicks tonight with other poeples work. there are clicks on the internet forming, ones that i dont feel a part of. there are lots of clicks for music podcasters, queer podcasters, british podcasters and technical podcasters. there is nothing for me as i dont know what category i am in. apple think i am a personal podcaster but i dont feel like i belong anywhere. its my birthday soon and what have i accomplished since last year? nothing. i need a new hobby. work is unrewarding - although i know that pateints are getting good treatment some credit would be nice.

i should be tired, its 2 in the morning and i dont feel like the sofa tonight. iam just too angry. i'm going to keep typing until i fall asleep. the internet is a lonely place. i turn on skype. 2 minutes later people change their skype status to 'do not disturb'. i'm tempted to delete skype from my computer, its just too much like reality for people to blatently turn their back. if you dont wnat me to talk to you just delete me from your list. easy at that. be honest. why did you add me in the first place?



i'm angry with the lady from the bbc who i recorded an interview for her, she promised me she'd answer my questions but never got back. typical 'big media' walking over people. she made fun of me on the air. i didnt mind at first because i thought being on radio one might be fun but now every time i go to podcast i think of their comments. treated me nicely to get her mp3 file, then ignores all my emails. shame on you alice. shame on you. what can i do? nothing. move on to the next sucker.

we dont matter to the bbc. people in new orleans dont matter to the bbc. the blantent injustes in the world dont matter to the bbc. the bbc has bigger fish to fry. they have to report on reality tv hotels, diy and celebraties during prime time. i'm angry at them. thousands of people died in america and kate stinking mosses drug habbits are headline news for the last week. people will turn to the net, not becuase its convient, but because you can pick whats important to you, not some supermodels drugs.



theres 12 episodes of panarama about new orleans waiting to be made by the bbc, but they are wasting money on crap about jonoathan ross and his 'token gay' house band who are just out to make as many cheep jokes about gays as possible and really just make it harder for gay people in the uk to be treated as normal. hell, why doesnt johnothan ross just get the black and white minstrals on his show and make a few twatty racist remarks too to raise some canned laughter? maybe he can make a load of blacks and other minorities the target of a lot of repeated jokes from his wanky show? and who do you complain to? noone.

to add insult to injury the girl i met last weekend gave me a false telephone number that was some thing called bbc radio one flirt divert where they play my personal answerphone messages on the air. isnt there anything better that the bbc can do but humiliate me more?

i'm going to cry as i've had enough of this shitty existance in this shitty town doing this shitty job with shitty friends. there is NO LIGHT at the end of this tunnel. fuck off britian. you suck. your media sucks. you raise people that suck and treat each other like crap. a nation of downtrodden, and why? why am i getting nasty when this isnt like me? look at how youve made me.



i'll be happy tommorw, i'll try and forget this. i just need to get this off my chest. sorry readers. i'll be happy later on i promise. i've just not been myself lately and havent felt like being like this, but today i just thought i should tell you things that have upset me today. and i;ll try and record podcasts if some lying woman from a big media corporation doesnt try and rip any more of my personal thoughts that i choose to share with those who want to listen and parade me around like some freak show.

i'm so sorry.

Roger