Wednesday, December 13, 2006

i feel hollow

i feel very low right now.i have been working overtime & double shifts in order to save money for christmas.having mum at home in the winter and keeping her warm all day and night means expesnive fuel bills.i had my exam results though and have failed abismally meaning that i can no longer progress in my cureent job.i worked so hardd to pass the exams but feel like such a failier.mum says she is still proud but i know that a mothers love is unconditional. as is the love between a man and his pig. how i miss The Dutchess.

Dutchess do you wonder
what i am doing now?
for we both lay in shit
and have hairy skin

yet we are different
as i yearn to look in your eyes
you know not of love
just simple relationships of man and beast

so we parted so long ago
now i am so alone
i often wonder how you are
but know that you are happy

that said, i had a ok night out with that old tart the other night but do not think she was right for me. one word- unhygenic slag. i wore my smartest work outfit which impressed her i believe. but her fingers were yellow from smoking though. it did not matter for the duration of the feature presentation as they in my mouth but they were very noticeable during our drink afterwards. they also shook quite violently as she drank her barcardi which was offputing not to mention dangerous and a waste.she also talked about her ex's a lot and as i havent got any it left me with little compare with.

we talked about work quite a lot as we have that in comon but aprt from that i found i am just not interesting enough to talk about myself. i also notice that her breasts were like boiled eggs. not just because of their shape, but because she had the date of birth of her first son tatooed acros one of them in purple ink which looked like a blurred sell-by date. i doubt i could ever love her as this would be a constant reminder of her deflowering. we didn't kiss and i just waved her to her taxi. i felt sad but stand by my decision. now she ignores me now at work.

now i just feel alone this time of year and am typing my feelings into this blog.sometimes i feel like crying as i'm never moving up in life, just slipping. to think of my potential ten years ago and now looking at this disfigured reck who cant get a promotion, girlfirend or passport. i guess i feel hollow. and i guess her bacon strip probably feels hollow too given the 3 kids, 80 ex-boyfirends and half the ann summers product catalogue that she's had up there. fortunatly i never felt the need to test this theory myself. i would rather save myslef for someone pure and butiful and preferably under 40.that is all i have to say on her and should get over it. christmas is coming, the pubs and clibs around guildford will be full of lots of drunk girls all enjoying themselfs, chances are i'll get a kiss or too.

i shoudl say that casino royale was cleerly a big sony advert rather than a bond film. it missed all the women aand james bond music at the beginnig, instead they had a cartoon which looked like the pink panter intro. i would not have been suprised if 007 was being chased by inspector cluseo. i did not understard the plotline, and it was not a proper bond movie and i think charles brocalli woudl be turning in his patch if they say the mess they made of it.

i should sleep now and blogger has changed.

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At 1:13 pm, Blogger simontoon said...

Hi Roger, nice to hear from you. I loved your latest poem about the Dutchess. It's wonderful that you channel the challenges of your life in such a creative way. Are you going to record the poem as a podcast?

At 9:07 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Berbacia here!
Intentional Thinking might bring about the girl, the life, the travel...whatever it is YOU want, since you haven't called me...
Love you,

At 7:59 pm, Anonymous Comic Strip Blogger said...

Roger, you have to change your job and area in which you are working! Maybe you should take some computer courses in some area and go more into IT? Dunno. I know that it could be hard because you take care of your mum, but you must do this jump, matey! I wish you well, have a Merry Christmas!

At 8:21 pm, Anonymous Jason (Manchester) said...

Roger, Capitalise on your fame, join podshow and become a true comic talent! I wonder wether this is all a joke sometimes or are you the real deal?

You always have us fans!

At 12:07 pm, Blogger Roger Smalls said...

computers confuse me csb and i have a slow one. i wish i could join podshow as a job but i only have 120 listeners on feedburner and sometimes i think adam hates me as he never returns my letters. there is work at a local factory which i might at going for next year which offers better pay but bad shifts. i may record the poem but need to go to work. thans for the ekind words of support.


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