Competitive baking tv shows

tonight i was due to see an old collegue for drinks as my jobseekers paid out today and have some cash to splash. however he cancelled at the last minute becuase he said he missed the tv show 'Great British Bake Off' and wanted to stay in tonight to watch it on iplayer. this saddens and enrages me that a tv is more important than friendship.

i wish i had real friends and a girlfriend. no one sits on their deathbed looking back on their life thinking 'i wished i had stayed at home more and watched competitive baking tv shows'. people call me stupid to my face all the time, but sometimes i wonder if it they who are stupid. i wonder if stupid people wonder about stupid or clever people wonder about stupid people. i am going to bed this is too confusing and i am lonely.

Mary Berry

Armpit sniffing dating

i have had mixed results with speed dating nights but i read with enthusaism that there is a speed dating night in 2 weeks time where i get to smell womens armpits.

https://billetto.co.uk/events/120777

unfortunatly it is in london and costs too much, i would have to pay for the train ticket then pay for the entrance fee along with buying nice girls drinks. it makes me sad to know that otters are having fun while i am stuck at home. but it does make me want tofind a job more so i can enjoy nights like this.

The website has some details of the order of events in 'the cloud'....................................

Program:

1. Arrival + cocktail of perspiration

1. Lecture on power of the pheromone

1. The sniffing ritual

1. Post-ritual compliments and conversation

1. Explore the Queen of Hungary Water cloud

We can’t promise anything, but hope that where dubious scents, biological instincts and romance collide, you might just find your match.
All sexes and sexual preferences are welcome, tickets are split 50/50. Tickets are £10 and include welcome cocktail and session in the cloud. 

Virgin Media chaka khan i feel for you party video

an advertisment for virgin media internet has been playing on the tv recently which confuses and angers me. in the video which lasts approximatly one minute sees a house full of annoying young people dancing to chaka khan i feel for you. then the DJ leaves at the end without a valid reason but everyone jeers him / her / it to keep playing but it leaves anyway. watch it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4OYmgj4J0U

i am confused by the narritive, either:

a) the advert is real time. therefore the DJ plays a 3rd of chaka khan i feel for you  then tries to bugger off. if a DJ did that I wouldnt pay them. the crowd have every right to jeer them. why would a DJ travel all the way to a venue just to play the intro to a song then want to go home? this scenario probably didnt happen.

b)  the advert is set over the entire length of the party and edited down to one minute. this then assumes that the DJ played the same chaka khan i feel for you track all night as we the viewer see segmetns of time with everyone listening to the same song. if a DJ played the same track repeatly over and over again the jeering would come a lot sooner and they would be thrown out of the party via the window. this is also unlikely to happen although radio one did that for weeks when the ferrel williams happy song came out and noone complained. maybe listening habits have changed. as soon as the dj leaves a man chimes in with an ipad and starts playing chaka khan i feel for you - the same music that has driven everyone up the wall for the last 4 hours solid and got the last DJ jeered at. instead the ipad owner is hailed as some sort of god for playing the one possible song on the planet that noone wants to hear then virgin media are deemed as solver of all the worlds problems. there are plenty of other 80s classics but not a single person in the party had the common sense to turn off the router and drop some agadoo.

c) the advert is in realtime and the virgin media tarrif ran out within one minute thereby stopping the dj from streaming music. in my experience of using virgin media services this is the most likely scenario although why would virgin pay for an advert saying how limited their service was? this confuses me.

also:

1) if i was a parent responsible deciding which broadband provider to go for (because i strongly suspect not a single one of these revellers was the homeowner) why would i purchase a tarriff if it encourages 100 students to turn up at my house while i'm on holiday, scrawl confidetial password information on my furnitrure in lipstick, deafen the neighbours, copulate with my vegetables then drop a deuce on the lounge carpet.

2) There is a man wearing a wooly hat indoors.

3) someone brought an ipad to a party.

maybe i am over thinking this and maybe i am angry because i will never be invited to a party full of pretty girls. or maybe i am angry because all the men in the party have beards that make them look like terrorists and pirates. but maybe i am angry becuase the terrorists will score with the pretty girls while i am stuck at home watching them less than a week after virgin media threatened to take me to court for late payment. this has tainted chaka khan i feel for you, i am going to bed.

i feel for her

floods

i feel very lucky to live in one of the few cities in the world that isnt under 6 feet of water today. most of todays news is presented going from one helicopter to another looking down at floods and makes mme really sad that its happening around the world. here are some songs to cheer up those who are affected.

cry me a river - justin timberlake
the flood - take that

lifeline - spandau ballet
rescue me - maddona
purple rain - prince
i'll sail this ship alone - the beautiful south
river deep, mountain hight - ike and tine turner
dam, i wish I was your lover - sophie B hawkings

the north face

i am confused as to why north face jacketts have the north face logo on the back at not on the front. in the world of property and sex the rear entrance is typically accossiated with the south face, not the north. the company who makes these overpriced jackets for pompous people should either rebrand or move the logo on the front to prevent any further confusion and anger.

my prediction on the future of the music charts

i am dismayed that uk pop music top 40 charts are now based on the number of downloads a file gets legally.this has grave implicatons.

the top 40 show will be compiled and presented by the type of people who work in my IT department with sweat, social and eating disorders rather than traditional DJS like dave lee travis and mark goodyear.



if something crap ends up at number one hackers will be able to gain access to confidencial information to 'name and shame' the poeple who put the crazy frog in our faces for weeks at a time. blackmale and public lychings would happen.




pornography would start apearing in the charts due to the high numbers of the downloads. i cant remember the last time i downloaded an mp3, yet i downloaded well over 50 mucky mpegs around 2 hours ago when the boss left his desk for lunch. surely this will dent the charts in some way? insted of cliff richard being this years christmas number one we will all be celebrating 'parishiltonnightvisionhandjob03.mpeg' being played at partys inbetween slade and mudd.



something must be done immeditaly. as an apathetic person who cant be bothered to think of any more examples i'm not about to do anything myself so it is up to you.