Lion Penis

My name is Rory Del-Monte
But today I travel under the guise of Russ Poldark
Wandering through the gates of the airport
I perform a final check on the consignment in my rucksack

Just two more shipments, then I’m done
Two more shipments, and the family home is safe
Security is hot today, they have extra guards
Play it cool Del-Monte, play it cool

The checkout went well
“Have a pleasant journey Mr Poldark”
But what lay ahead was not so pleasant
Todays routine was different, it somehow felt wrong

Where was the crooked face of Jonnie Goodboy Tyler today?
A stranger stood in his place at the iron gate
I pace swiftly to the mens bathrooms
And lock the door securely behind me

Think quickly, ditch those damn cat erections, ditch them fast
But can I save just one? It wouldn’t be a wasted trip then
Five thousand dollars a dick, I’ll risk just one
But where do I hide it, where will it go?

I stare at the smooth feline member
Remembering it dragging along the dusty tundra floor just a week ago
Thinking back to my donkey days
Smuggling white snow to the sugar prince in Miami, I know what I must do

I unbuckle my belt and lower my neatly ironed Armani strides
Un-sheaving the love-length from the Pringles tube
Bending over I think of my wife, my kids, the farm in the picture
Sliding the lions member deep into a space usually reserved for 12 kilos of coke

An uncomfortable walk toward airport security
I must loose the remaining consignment and fast
The distracted hotdog vendors stall provides a new home for the illegal Johnsons
And an expensive delicacy awaits five long hall passengers who wont be using their safety belts

The guard, more concerned with mobile phones than the contents of my arse
With a huge sigh of relief I walk away toward the waiting lounge
Rummaging around in my back pocket for a dime
To notify Sweaty Leonard to meet me at touchdown, 18 hundred hours Eastern Time

As I stand dialling the number it dawned that finding the coin was a mistake
The additional movement in my stylish trousers dislodged the butt cargo
Much to the amazement of the obese female police officer
Delighted to see the penis tip falling out of my trousers and resting on my shoe

15 years later and I’ve done my time you victims
Paid the price of the lions manhood
Lost my whole family for the sake of a few lousy dollars
Don’t smuggle a lion penis people, it just ain’t worth the time