Sunday, January 15, 2017

chewbaccas dingleberrys

i was watching star wars the force awakens yesterday and it has kept me awake all night wondering if chewbacca suffers from dingleberrys. with all that long hair he must be susceptible.  for someone who was meant to bridge the gap between star wars and star trek the director jj abrahams missed the opportunity for a storyline involving chewy battling the klingons.


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Saturday, December 24, 2016

merry christmas!

i am looking forward to christmas this year. although i dont have a job and mothers gland continues to play havoc i am being positive. 2016 has seen a lot of people die, i am not one of them and this is something to be happy about. merry christmas!

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Monday, November 07, 2016

Poem dedicated to Kate Upton

Cushion for the pushin'

Have you ever wished you could step back in your memories?
Ever longed to walk along a nice beech?
Have you ever wanted to eat endless cake with a lovely woman?
Or fallen deeply in forbidden love?

Ever waited out in the rain all night for her to come home?
Ever shit in a Dyson Airblade?
Looking at the stars longing for the next time you’d see her?
Some of us gratify this love and others can only dream

(c) Roger Smalls 2016

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Monday, October 10, 2016

boy racer logic

why do boy racers hit the gas and speed off when they see a prettygirl walking down the street? today i was thankful that i was on a really slow bus as it gave me ample time to admire womens bottoms and hairs

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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

junior doctors striking again

junior doctors complaining that they have too much work, i'm complaining i have none. i feel very worthless these days & life feels wasted. but at least i'm not french.

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Tuesday, August 30, 2016

does meat go to heaven?

i was wondering if meat goes to heaven. if so, does the meat go to the afterlife when  the animal dies or when someone eats the meat? please answer this.


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Thursday, August 25, 2016

Competitive baking tv shows

tonight i was due to see an old collegue for drinks as my jobseekers paid out today and have some cash to splash. however he cancelled at the last minute becuase he said he missed the tv show 'Great British Bake Off' and wanted to stay in tonight to watch it on iplayer. this saddens and enrages me that a tv is more important than friendship.

i wish i had real friends and a girlfriend. no one sits on their deathbed looking back on their life thinking 'i wished i had stayed at home more and watched competitive baking tv shows'. people call me stupid to my face all the time, but sometimes i wonder if it they who are stupid. i wonder if stupid people wonder about stupid or clever people wonder about stupid people. i am going to bed this is too confusing and i am lonely.

Mary Berry

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Tuesday, August 23, 2016

jeremy corbyn train footage

i am so confused by jeremy corbyn and the recent train footage where he sits down. i want to support him as he promises free money for people like me so i dont have to find work. i also like his communist views and songs but when i see him only pretending to be a communist by sitting down when there are seats available on a train i think he is pretending to be a marter.

maybe the clothes he wears are also an act and he is being Faux Povvo instead of genuinly dressing badly. the whole reason that everyone likes him is becuase he comes accross as an underdog and every time he turns up to parliment dressed like a tramp upsets the establishment.

 i will still vote for jeremy corbyn but would like to see him be more impoverish in the future and actually mean it so he can teach the conservatives a lesson. being in a position of power means he now gets things free and is expected to dress up for a queen who he hates, but his roots are about being poor and musky. he is in the same predictment as when rappers from crompton get wealthy then noone takes them seriously when they sing about being in da hood when they now live in gated communitys. we jeremy corbyn supporters must close ranks and ignore this train footage evidence  planted by corporate fat cats and perpetuted by all the media.

jeremy corbyn

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Wednesday, August 10, 2016

can i use tinder without a smart phone?

a lot of obese men i know use tinder to get girls and clamydia, does anyone know how i can use tinder without an iphone? i wish to use it to get dates (one offs with nice looking girls or long term relationships with girls with low self esteem if possible, not fussed) but cannot afford an expensive contract.. tinder users are not bothered about the caliber of people they date so i think i would be in with a good chance with an unclean women if i used a good enough group photo with a strong enough instagram filter. however i just need a way to run tinder. please help.

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Friday, July 29, 2016

ISIS have piles

every time a terrible attack happens from ISIS they always show a video of the terrorsts sitting on the floor stroking their little guns in front of a funny flag. i know if i sit on a cold floor for too long i always get grumpy and piles.  maybe ISIS members are misunderstood piles sufferers where they feel the only solution is die.

the west should buy furniture for everyone on the terrorist watch list to nip some of these feelings in the bud, i dont think anyone has ever commited mass genocide sitting in a comfortable sofa eating jaffa cakes before. even if its a nice stool from a charity shop it will give them something to sit on, ease their hemmoroids and maybe not being so angry about things.


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Monday, July 18, 2016

sadness riddles the internet

i am saddenned every time i look on the news and internet due to all the shootings and terrorism and the racists. it makes me sad and weep with so much death. i have resigned myself to watching reality television and reading pamflets until the there are happier things to read and watch.

outside i am smiling
inside i am grim
outside is positive
inside weeps
for this is just a brave front
up yours isis

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Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Diseased meat

this week i went to a european food market and a furry german attempted to sell me cured ham. i find it sad as a result of brexit that europe is already trying to palm british people off with diseased meat no matter if it is feeling better or not. i am only going to allow british pork to enter my body from now on.

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Sunday, June 26, 2016

brexit has made no difference

i have been to the supermarket this weekend and brought exactly the same food shopping as last weekend before brexit. i have compared the two receipts and the costs of the food are exactly the same - in fact i have saved 40 pence with a 2 for £2 deal on some nice packs of bbq walkers bugles. i dont see what all the fuss and scaremongering was about with the prices of everything going up if we left europe and have seen little evidence of this in the high street. it seems the fat cat supermakrets have been able to absorb the growing multinational fiscal debt and weak value of the pound in order to offer some great deals on bugles and other confectionary. so its not all doom and gloom after all.


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Wednesday, June 22, 2016

referendum vote time tomorrow

tomorrow we must decide as a nation to vote to stay or leave europe. i still dont know what to do. i think people want to stay in europe becasue they dont like change, and i think people want brexit because they are old. i dont think my life can get any worse so maybe i will vote leave. or maybe not. i dont know.

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Sunday, June 19, 2016

can i become an uber driver without a smartphone?

does anyone on here know how uber works if i dont have a smartphone? things are so bad right now and i cant even afford a samsung.a couple of people i know on jobseekers are on uber and they tell me they are making lots extra and its a good opportuntiy to get to know girls.


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