Monday, September 26, 2005

Wrong time?

Was really excited about meeting sandra tonight but i think i've got the wrong night as i went to the cinema and waited for over an hour. have tried to call her but keeps saying her voicemail is full. dont understand. will try ringing her tomorow. fed up.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

cloud nice

i didnt get to sleep last night as i was so happy and thinking about sandra! sent her a text today but she hasnt called me back yet, been planning the cinema for tommorow night, already ironed my shirt ready! hope she doesnt think i'm too keen.

Wow! I;ve just met a great girl!

Just got back from a nice evening out in guildford with a few people from work. i wasn;t really trying to talk to any girls and sat chattting to simon from downstairs about things in the corner for most of the evening. i wasnt even sharking although the club was full of very pretty girls and a few not so pretty ones were dancing. then i felt a tap on the shoulder from the most lovely looking girl in the world and she asked me if i had a cigerrette. i did;nt have any because i dont smoke since all the fires but i offered to buy her a drink to make up for it. then we got talking, i didnt want to seem to keen but played it cool. i doont want to jinx myself by talkking about her personal deetails on the blog, but she is lovely and her hair is soft and called Sandra. i didnt kiss her or touch her because i want to be a gentleman. she has agrred to go to the cinima on monday night wit me. i feel so happy and myself. wow! i lent her some money to catch a taxi home and she gavve me her phone number so i will call her tommorow if i have the courage and ask if she got home safely. i cant sleep i am that excited so i thought i;d stay up and write kthis and see if i can find any photos of girls who look like her on the internet so i wont forget. i;m so happy!!!

Friday, September 23, 2005

something to look forward to

I'm looking forward to saturday night, everyone from work is going out to town for the evening,i'll head out I think from 8 onwards (i cant believe that some people drink all day long!!! - zany!!). there are lots of girls from the wards going too which will be nice, i'm very much looking forward to it.

what else has happened in my life? well i can recommened not to do circuit training. i still cant move properly after last night, my legs and arms are stinging like crazy. i am sure it is doing me some good. but it hurts. she kept shouting "no pain no gain" all the time, the crazy loon in a liotard.

no pain no gain? Cutting my arm off would be painful, but what would i gain? thats a stupid saying.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Podcast - Tip for talking to girls at the gym

I have been doing well recently introducing myself to girls and thought that i would share with you some tips for all the single boys out there. i havent had any luck yet but i am trying very hard and its making me feel more confident to talk to them. it was really funny as i saw womens 'aqua arobics' in the pool which looked like lots of old women swirling around in a washing machine.

i find it harder to talk to girls in pubs and discoteques beucase i cant hear them and the music confuses me.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

My day off and what do I do?

Sunday is my day off and it has made me really angry. i have so much to do and yet i have been doing nothing but sitting around and drawing pictures and diagrams. not up to my usual standard. i want to talk about all the bad things in the world that upset me but every time i do i rock the boat. how do i talk about new orleans and that mad man who could have stopped it all without sounded insencitive? why cant i get off my chest how much wehat i do upsets me? i have so much to say about the state of podcasting at the moment but people write bad things.

i thought that blogs were supposed to be regular folks writing what they liked but now i feel very restricted in what i can talk about. too many rules and regulations. and tredding on toes. at least in real life if i was out in the pub with one of my friends and if i wanted to raise an issue with someone else my friend might stick up for me. blogging doesnt have that and i think it needs it. i dont know if a computer program can do it or what. i'm getting reluctent to write things.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

work, work, work...

what kind of a life am i living? i've been working shifts 9 to 5 or 12 til 8. i;ve only done a half day today but feel so tired when i got back i didnt feel like going out even though a few people from work are. so what am i doing with my life? a man still in his youth? stuck in watching the best of ITV. i'm not the only one. i'm sure lots of other young people accross the nation are doing the same tonight. why arent there more things to do in the evening?

Monday, September 05, 2005

Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Lion Penis

My name is Rory Del-Monte
But today I travel under the guise of Russ Poldark
Wandering through the gates of the airport
I perform a final check on the consignment in my rucksack

Just two more shipments, then I’m done
Two more shipments, and the family home is safe
Security is hot today, they have extra guards
Play it cool Del-Monte, play it cool

The checkout went well
“Have a pleasant journey Mr Poldark”
But what lay ahead was not so pleasant
Todays routine was different, it somehow felt wrong

Where was the crooked face of Jonnie Goodboy Tyler today?
A stranger stood in his place at the iron gate
I pace swiftly to the mens bathrooms
And lock the door securely behind me

Think quickly, ditch those damn cat erections, ditch them fast
But can I save just one? It wouldn’t be a wasted trip then
Five thousand dollars a dick, I’ll risk just one
But where do I hide it, where will it go?

I stare at the smooth feline member
Remembering it dragging along the dusty tundra floor just a week ago
Thinking back to my donkey days
Smuggling white snow to the sugar prince in Miami, I know what I must do

I unbuckle my belt and lower my neatly ironed Armani strides
Un-sheaving the love-length from the Pringles tube
Bending over I think of my wife, my kids, the farm in the picture
Sliding the lions member deep into a space usually reserved for 12 kilos of coke

An uncomfortable walk toward airport security
I must loose the remaining consignment and fast
The distracted hotdog vendors stall provides a new home for the illegal Johnsons
And an expensive delicacy awaits five long hall passengers who wont be using their safety belts

The guard, more concerned with mobile phones than the contents of my arse
With a huge sigh of relief I walk away toward the waiting lounge
Rummaging around in my back pocket for a dime
To notify Sweaty Leonard to meet me at touchdown, 18 hundred hours Eastern Time

As I stand dialling the number it dawned that finding the coin was a mistake
The additional movement in my stylish trousers dislodged the butt cargo
Much to the amazement of the obese female police officer
Delighted to see the penis tip falling out of my trousers and resting on my shoe

15 years later and I’ve done my time you victims
Paid the price of the lions manhood
Lost my whole family for the sake of a few lousy dollars
Don’t smuggle a lion penis people, it just ain’t worth the time

Friday, September 02, 2005

Podcast - Diet

My diet is not going to well, it occupies my every thought, so i thought i would share those thoughts with you.

please also listen to the latest 2 podcasts from yeast radio which tell you a lot of important information about the horrible distater in america.

iPod prediction

Apple started off by making the ipod that stores 15000 songs. then they make the ipod mini that can take 1000 songs, then the ipod shuffle that stores 240 sounds. according to the news storys apple are going to make an ipod phone that stores 100 songs. i have spotted a pattern and trend, and although i am no computer pundit or magnus magnuson i predict that in a couple of products time apple will announce another ipod capable of storing 12 songs that only play randomly.

which begs the quesiton of why would anyone get rid of their discman or a walkman to buy something for ten times the amount that stores the same number of songs and cant play an album from start to finish without shuffling everything around? miniturasation isnt the future apple. even i know that.

i still have to listen to mp3s on my computer or burn them onto a cd if i'm 'on the go' which is a bit inconvenient, especially when madge weinstein does a show longer than 80 minutes. but i dont really walk any further that 40 minutes away so it doesnt matter too much. what i'm doing now is probably pioneering how people listen to podcasts - low capicty is apples future.

even the humble and sexy inuit people have fallen for apples marketing compain

Thursday, September 01, 2005

i hurt

i've been on a diet as of yesterday. i feel rubbish. i'll podcast tonight as i have a lot to get a lot off my chest and out of my bowels. thats if i am still alive by tonight - i'm working a late shift tonight too. i have crapped my entire bodyweight in green mucus in the space of three minutes. i will kill for a chocolate bar right now. seriously.